i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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