I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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