This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
