Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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