I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
