Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is Oprah even human
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
