And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
