shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
