I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
