At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
