I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize