Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
