We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
