Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
