I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
