I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize