just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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