wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
