My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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