Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
