He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
