You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
