i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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