after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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