how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
foreskin is a definite game changer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My dick has a subreddit
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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