Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
