Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
