He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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