I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
