i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
