You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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