Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
