I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
please don't ironically join a cult
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