thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
