Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
