Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
