I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He has the fingertips of a God
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