she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
