All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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