Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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