Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
