everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
