i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize