I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
