dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
