we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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