I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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