So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
