I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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