There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
