: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
