put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
