if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's always time for handjobs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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