addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
