Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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