I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
