Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
