thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Houston, we have a blender
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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