I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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