Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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