she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
