I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
40s are totally the cure
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
