I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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