I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
