Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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