my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize