Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
