who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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