john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
