I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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