i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
