Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think i got beer on your cat.
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