he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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