she woke up with a sticky ear
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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