this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
